"Only Fools Rush In"

So recently I went on what I thought would be a harmless date with man. Yes, a man. A tall, handsome, perfect number of years older than me to make the maturity levels the same....man. A man that is old enough to grow facial hair. The kind of rugged, sexy, scruffy facial hair that I just want to rub my cheek against. A broad shouldered, funny, gone through lifes ups and downs kind of man. A man that can tell me a story and keep me locked in the whole time. A man who actually has his priorities in order. A man that can still behave like a kid...in a good way. A man that can take my sarcasm and give it right back. A man that when goes in for the first kiss completely knocks me off my feet....only to scoop me up and do it again. And when the dizzy feeling leaves,you finally catch your breath, your heart has returned to its normal pattern of beating, your legs seem to stand on their own...you're hoping he does it all over again. Hell, you're hoping he might even do more against everything your mother taught you about dating....

I recently went on a date with a man. This turned into a few more dates. And, for the first time in a very long time I completely lost control and quickly. I knew it. My friends knew it. I could only hope he didn't. My fear: Actually letting a man think I've fallen for him. Once this happens the whole game belongs to him. I have nothing. I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of the court with no ball, no team, nothing to help me play. And there he is, ball in hand, surrounded by his team. The jerk even has cheerleaders on the side.

This feeling of liking someone actually drives me mad. I'm happy one minute, confused and frustrated the next. I think I know what's going on, then I haven't a clue! He likes me. No wait, he doesn't. I DON'T KNOW AND I HATE IT. This is not enjoyable! This is not fun! This is mind consuming, insecure blowing, big ball of no fun! I start doubting myself. I rethink scenarios in my head. Did I say something? Did I do something? This is the type of woman I pride myself on not behaving like. What happened to me? How do I make the madness stop?!

Well I can't. Instead I have to sit here and wait. Wait for something. Wait for nothing. Wait for disappointment. Wait for absolution. Wait here, completely out of control. Someone recently told me "If you're with a good guy, you're never in control, he just lets you think you are. A bad guy gives you control because he knows he's going to dump your ass in a few months."

Maybe so. When you let go of the illusion that you have this "control", are you actually free. I'm working on it.

(I Make) Good Girls Go Bad

A good man is not so hard to find right? I can think of 10 at the top of my head who are genuinely great guys. You know the type I’m talking about...the one’s that ACTUALLY call when they say they are going to call. Crazy concept huh? They take you on real dates. Hell, they even tell their friends about you. The point it is, they’re not so hard to find. They only have one drink at dinner because they’re driving. They have female friends they haven’t slept with...yeah yeah whatever. The point is, they’re not hard to find. They are right here in front of our face. Now, bad boys are hard to find. Mostly because they are never where they’re supposed to be. In fact, they’re not supposed to be anywhere. They do as they please. And for some unexplained reason, we accept this. We even find it attractive, appealing, sexy, and incredibly frustrating!

If you’re lucky you might actually get a cell phone number. Of course, it’s really so you never know exactly what(or who) a bad boy is doing. It’s infuriating, insensitive, intriguing, and completely insane!

You know you’re dating a bad boy when you’re not sure you’re actually dating. Bad boys are usually one of two things: unavailable or undressed. This leaves you unable to think of anything but where the hell is he and when will he do that to me again?! Bad boys are rule breakers, heartbreakers, and bed shakers....

A bad boy will call you “baby”, probably because he forgot your name, but still, there’s nothing sexier than a bad boy who’s dying to see you, “baby”. It doesn’t matter if anything he says is true. It sounds good, and it feels good, because “baby”, bad boys have throw down. Bad boys are not tentative about kissing. They are not tentative about anything. They know what they want, who they want, and they go for it. This is thrilling when it’s you, and not so thrilling when its the suddenly the model (not) eating at the table next to you. Of course, that rarely happens because bad boys rarely take you out. They don’t have to . The bar is low for bad boys. They don’t have to surprise you with flowers, it’s a surprise when they show up at all. In fact, a bad boy is happy to let a good guy take you to dinner, ask you about you, kiss you goodnight at the door.....a bad boy knows he can call at midnight and still get invited over for dessert. Bad boys are dessert. They’re like hot fudge sundaes. You know you shouldn’t but you do it anyways and enjoy every last bite!

Now if you have read any of my previous blogs you would know that I love myself a bad boy. But....like I said above, the bar is set low. I don’t expect much which means if I actually intend on doing the serious thing, I think it’s time I let the “bad boy” go. *tear*.

I recently went on a date with a fella. We had a great dinner, great conversation, seems normal.....sounds pretty good right? We sat at the table for what seemed like an hour. In actuality, it was 4! Wow, a nice, normal guy on a nice, normal date. Normal. Not heart pounding. Not a butterfly filled stomach. Normal. Well what did I expect?! I mean I’m attracted to bad boys! I couldn’t possibly expect this to be exciting. Well, I did a little. But, I decided how can I not go on another date when the first date was actually great. He even messaged me the next day to tell me what a nice time he had. I decided to put my bad boy attraction to the side and make plans again. Who knows, maybe he’ll surprise me. Second date is set for the following weekend. yay. If you think there was a hint of sarcasm in that “yay”.....you’re right. But give a woman credit, I’m trying!

Well guess what, he surprised me alright! At 3:30 in the morning the day before our second date. Drunk. The dumbass had the nerve to drunk dial me after one date. Really? I gave up bad boys for this? So to all you ladies looking down on me for still digging the bad boys....not. One. Word. I gave it a shot. I almost gave it two. At least with a bad boy the expectations were already low. At least a bad boy is far from “normal”. Bad boys make my heart pound. At least with a bad boy a late night call is more useful to me.....

"Gives You Hell"

There is nothing worse than having to let a guy go when you've decided that it's just not going anywhere. I hate it. I honestly wish that I was let down instead. I hate the awkward conversation of letting them know that you just are not into it, especially when you know they very much are. I panic that their ego will be bruised and then be mad at me. What usually happens is I end up liking that person as friend and hope that we can be friends instead. Just what every guy loves to hear. "Can we just be friends". It's like a punch to their delicate manhood.

Now with this being said, no matter how painful it is for both parties, it still has to be done. Honestly I really try to be so nice about it. If you're genuinely a nice guy then I want you to know that it was nothing you did wrong, it just wasn't working for me. This is when I hope that he 1. doesn't have some freaky breakdown, especially after a few dates. 2. Doesn't get mad. 3. Is ok with just being friends. 4. Understands the words coming out of my mouth(you'd be surprised how often " I'm not interested" still confuses men).

Here's how my night went. I spent the day with Guy A. We made plans to watch football at his place with a few of his friends. I knew at the end of the day that I was going to have to explain that even though I have fun hanging out with him, I just didn't have any romantic feelings towards him. He was just "one of the guys" to me. The day went fine, had a great time hanging out, he was normal....awesome. Then, the ride home. He lives in NH so my ride home is about 45 minutes. About 2 minutes into the ride he says "So can I ask you a question?" Ok here we go. Obviously the question is if I am interested in him. I explain that although I have a great time hanging out, that's all it is to me. I tell him he's a great guy blah blah blah and I hope that he'll want to still be friends. He responds with that even though he's disappointed, he would still like to be friends. WOW! I'm actually happy, this generally doesn't seem to work!

It didn't work. About five minutes into my ride he explains that he thinks that people don't have romantic feelings at first and that people grow into it. Yeah no. The thought of kissing you makes me cringe. I know myself enough to know that if I don't feel excited after the first date, that it's just not going to work.

I again have to explain that for me, that's not how I work. After letting him down twice he says he understands and thanks me for being honest. Ok great, we're back to the same page. Wait, totally different book. "So can I hold your hand?" Did you just hear anything that came out of my mouth? No, you can NOT hold my hand! "Yeah, you're right". Ok......so then he asks if I would want to hang out at the house again and watch the pats with his friends. Sure we hang out as FRIENDS at your place, that would be fun. He agrees, we talk about random things. It's going well.....

"Can I kiss you goodnight?" Oh sure you can if you want a slap across your mouth. At this point I just get out of the car, tell him thanks, and stomp up to my door. That right there made me feel less bad about letting guys down. I don't understand. When someone tells you that they just see you as a friend, why do you try to persuade them to like you. You can't coax someone into having feelings for you! I felt like I was talking to a salesman.....at least with a salesman, losing means coming home with an oversized t.v. So much easier to manage. Bonus: The T.V. as a power button.

That's it....I'm going T.V. shopping.

"With A Little Help From My Friends"

So I'm sitting here thinking about dating as a whole. I read a lot of profiles on these sites which is where you're supposed to be able to get a quick synopsis of this particular person and who they are. Some barely write a thing while others write their entire story from their first kiss to their last ex running off with their dog(or cat if you're that kind of guy). Very few actually catch my attention and make me want to find out more. What I have come across in a majority of these profiles both short and over done is that they all mention they don't want to play games or be played on. Makes sense right? The whole idea of being played by the other sex sounds horrible, a waste of time, and down right childish. I'm sure as you read this you're shaking your head in agreement. Well, you're wrong. Here's why.

Say for instance you happen to be talking to 2 or 3 guys at the same time(naughty! who does that!? Oh me....). Guy A. is outgoing, funny, interested in meeting you, and appears to be a "normal" fella. Nice! Guy B. Hmmmm he seems to be very outgoing, very funny, also interested in meeting you, and appears to have a slight bad boy trait...Ummm, no comment. Guy C is a little quiet, maybe a little reserved, and well just basically has the looks and thats it. Ok, so not to get yourself in trouble and mix up men you get rid of C. Let's be honest, he may be goodlooking but if you bore me then your looks can only get you so far. Don't argue this, I would know.

Ok so here we are. Guy A and Guy B. Perfect. Now you just have to get to know them a little. Date with Guy A....fun. Date is for the most part relaxed and easy going which is always a plus. He does seem a little eager. Personally I'm not a big PDA girl so holding your hand on the first date seems middle schoolish to me. Also really awkward in a sports bar while watching football. I kind of need my hand for two things: Lifting the beer and fist pumps.

Guy B, really fun and totally easy going. I feel as though I can actually be myself, inappropriate comments and all. This could potentially lean towards a new friend when dates are this easy going except I find myself attracted to him. No hand holding and no awkward moments of silence that leave you sitting there trying to think of something witty to say. All and all....a good date.

Now after your first date there's the big question. Will there be a second date? For both, I decide yes. Guy A texts me the next morning(8:30 to be exact) with "I hope you have a nice day". That's nice. Guy B, nothing yet. Guy A texts me to have a nice rest of the day. Ok....Thanks. You too. Still nothing from Guy B. By the end of the day I've receieved two more texts from Guy A. One telling me to have a good workout(really?) and the second, "Can I call u".

Calling me is fine. I'm not a big talker but I still can hold at least a 5 minute convo. Calling me when we've spoken throughout the day puzzles me. What's left to talk about. At this point I'm starting to think I'm behaving ridiculously and I need to stop. I try.

Guy B texts me before bed and I'm elated. Awesome. Here we go...

Throughout the week I have receieved my morning, afternoon, dinner, after dinner, dessert texts, wishing me all the best. This, obviously being from Guy A. So here I have an actual decent guy, likes to talk to me, clearly wants me to have a REALLY good day and is excited enough to see me again(he's told me this everyday since the first date). What more could a girl ask for??? Oh......just a little friggin space please! Guy B has called once, we had a hysterical coversation, texted here and there funny one liners from a comedian we both like, and has mentioned that would should get together again soon. Notice "should".

Two weeks go by. My phone is blowing up from Guy A and Guy B disappeared for a few days. Disappointment sets in. At this point I've also decided that Guy A is just too much for me. He needs a girl that loves PDA, is looking to settle down yesterday, and likes to snuggle. No Thanks. Oh did I mention he cooks dinner and also bought me an over the top gift on the first date. Want to slap me across the face for being absolutely ridiculous? Get in line.

What do I want?? Well cleary I want the guy that makes me wonder where he is. I want the guy that is going to be around for dessert after Guy A makes me dinner. I want the guy takes his time calling me to make plans for a second date. I want the guy that is clearly playing hard to get. The guy that's playing games.

WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???

So here's my question. I want answers people. From both sexes. Do I play the game and be coy and slightly unattainable or can women handle the chase better than men? Do I not play at all(that's boring)? Do I answer his texts or phone calls, or do I make him wait a little? Tell me. Answer me. Give me your best advice. I'm all freaking ears.

"Move Along"

Ok so I took a break from the online dating scene for a bit. Not b/c I found my "soul mate", "prince charming", "the one". No, nothing like that. I took a break b/c if you have read this blog, you'd take a break too! But, I got my needed rest and I'm up and running again. I'm going to entertain you all with some emails I get each day. These are some examples of the ones that will never get a response.

Let me make this clear. I make a profile for a reason. If you message me, I expect that you read my profile. Not skim it and pick out important words....b/c that could just make you sound like fool. For instance, I make it very clear that I hate musicals. I go as far as to say "Musicals are the worst kind of torture". Wow If I was a guy, I'd definitely stay clear of that topic right? So, when sending me your opening email, first impressions are obviously important. "So what's your favorite musical? I'd have to say that the King and I is mine" My first thought....hahahaha we have a jokester on our hands! Second thought...OMG he's serious. Here are 2 big reasons why this poor guy won't get a response. 1. You obviously did NOT read my profile. 2. When I was 15 I went to see the Kind and I. On the way home a car full of cross dressers wearing one piece body suits and stilettos crashed into our car. No. Lie. I hate the King and I the most. Nexxxxxt.

Another way to completely send me running in the other direction would be to have your dog "write" your email to me. Yes, that's right. I received an email that was from his dog. Rudy. That's the dogs name. I have no clue what the owners name is and I don't care to find out. When the email ends with woof-woof, I click delete.

"Look no further, I am your Mr. Right!" Shush! No you most certainly are not! I decide that. You are 47, divorced with three children and used up your entire email to tell me a joke that lost me halfway through. You are so very much NOT my Mr. Right! Move. Along.

Manners are also important when sending me an email. Using the sentence " You seem like you somewhat have it together" is wrong on so many levels. It's rude and I have no idea what you just based that on. Somewhat? I somewhat, have it together? I just explained my obsession with coconut and mascara and my hatred towards musicals and you figure I "somewhat" have it together? Beat it nerd!

This last one I will share with you takes the cake. His internet name SoreBum. Subject title of email: Milk and Poetry.

"Stopping by the woods on a snowy evening...

I saw your face and couldn't resist sayin HI. I wish I could say I am looking b/c I'd be looking directly at you. I am in a very happy and healthy relationship. As a matter of fact my woman and I have been together for over twenty years.

I want you to know there is light. I was almost 40 years old and she 37 yrs. when we met. Keep lookin'! There exist some wonderful guys out there and from what I hear on the inside, they are looking for you.

You're cute and it looks like you've got it together. GOOD LUCK!"

Ok what I want to know...Why is your bum so sore???

"Au Revoir"

Well, It seems as though I'm still on the mind of Youngin'. Last night out of nowhere he IM's me.  In case you forgot, this is the younger, shorter, "guy" that is moving for the summer. What I left out last time, is he's moving to the very same state of someone that I briefly had a long distance fling with. Oh yes, not only is he moving to the same state, but the very same town.  Awesome. They also share the same first name. I believe there is a website dedicated to these types of situations. FML.com I think. Who wants to take bets on them becoming the best of friends?!  We know they at the very least have one thing in common. 

Anyways....Youngin' apparently wants to get together before he leaves for the summer. He leaves in two weeks. Apparently he thinks it's a shame that it didn't work out last time we tried to meet. Yes, that was quite a shame. In no way did I dodge a bullet with that. Oh wait....yes, I think I may have. Hmmm...it seems as though my next two weeks are pretty full. What. A. Shame.  

 

"Let It Rock"

So there is flirting and then there's......well just no need. Take that however you like.
I have two guys I'm talking to. One is currently in the line up for a date. I will give you the low down on them in a moment. First, I must update you on the most recent ridiculous adventure I have decided to take which will make this blog even more readable! I signed up for a website called crazyblinddate.com. Yes. I. Really. Did. So here's the deal with that. It is run by OkCupid. You fill out info for where you want your date to meet, the preferred calender date, and time. Then you fill out what you are looking for in your "potential" and give a little about yourself as well. You can do this solo or as a double date with someone you know or don't know. I am going to be doing this as a double date with someone I know. You know who you are and thanks! You then give your cell # which they will NOT give to the other person but use it to let you know where you will be meeting your date. The date will receive the same text. Best part of this. You receive the text about an hour before you have to be there! See, this is where it becomes a little ridiculous. I think I just signed up for another dating reality show and the camera's are going to pop out when it's over.....just you see.
Ok back to the boys of now. So we have LV. I briefly mentioned him in the last blog. LV has a tendency of trying to come off as sexy. Instead, it has become mostly awkward and a little creepy. I actually don't think he is, I just don't think he knows how to play. When getting to know someone it's ok to flirt and be a little coy. I mean you do want to appear attractive! However, you don't want to over do it. You can come off trashy and it also leaves nothing to the imagination Ladies, If men are good at anything its how well they know how to use their imagination. Please, let the men work a little.
This rule also applies to men when flirting with women. Example. "I want to give you a bath." This is no good.
1. I hope the woman you are talking to knows how to bathe herself.
2. You don't know her, she does not want you all up in her relaxing bath time!
3. FYI generally when you do first meet a woman, you shoot for coffee or a drink! Not bath time! 
So....Hey, LV. Read this. Take some notes. Maybe next time when "flirting" with a woman, you will know what's ok and what's not. You unfortunately have been declined...by me.

Next....We shall call this one After Hours. Yes, definitely After Hours. After Hours is a stock broker by day and "Guy in a Band" by night. Oh and has a beautiful tattoo sleeve. Oh heavens. Oh dear.  

I have been talking to AH for a few days now and so far...pretty good. A little bit of dork. I like that. A lot bit of a tattood band guy. I love that. Has a successful job that he actually likes. I very much appreciate that. Oh and he likes to go out and also likes to socially drink. Those two qualities were missing from the last super exciting date I had....
There are a few...well traits that I don't love but I still need to get to know him before I squash this. He has a cat, I have a dog. Why this bugs me I'm not sure. But, it's part bobcat...and well that's kind of interesting. Next, he admits he likes to snuggle. I wish that this was the first guy to admit this. Unfortunately this is not the case.
Here's the thing with snuggling, at least for me. I'm not huge into it first of all. I also didn't think I would come across a lot of men that were. I can handle it, when we have been together for awhile. I don't snuggle or cuddle with people I don't know. Hell, I don't really snuggle with people I do know.  Although I am unsure why he did feel like sharing this information with me,  I can't hold such a ridiculous thing against him.  Unfortunately for him, I will not be snuggling on the first date, or second.  If there is a snuggle attempt put on me. END.OF.DATE.
I will be going out with After Hours to the Science Museum sometime this week and will hopefully have my first double blind date this Friday. Wish, me luck!