When I created my blog about online dating two years ago I had one goal in mind. No not that...my goal was that no matter how absurd, mundane, or exciting my dates may be, to just enjoy myself as much as possible. Although some dates made this almost impossible, I have at least had the enjoyment of retelling my stories and laughing through it all. I never put any expectations into my dates and wasn't quite sure what I wanted from them anyways. A husband? Family? Didn't really think about it. I figured when I met that man, that all that would fall into place. BOY was I wrong!! Or should I say girl....yes all of that did actually fall into place. I now think of my future plans. Discuss marriage, family, having a home...everything you assume will eventually happen as you grow older. What I didn't assume...that I would be discussing all this information with.....wait for it....a woman. Yes, after all my dating, flings, "loves" with men...I end up falling for a woman. I don't know about you guys but this is NOT what I expected. But life is unexpected. Wonderfully unexpected....and a little ironic too. I figure no better way to end my blog with how I ended up with my girlfriend. The woman I am completely, madly in love with. The woman that I can't imagine not being in my life. Thank you for reading...I hope my finale isn't a disappointment. It's certainly been the highlight of my life!
I'm sure that we are all well aware, whether you've known me for a long time, known me for a week, a day...or just "know" me through my blog....I like attention. Ok love it, whatever. I'm not ashamed to say that at my previous job I may have flirted once or twice to get things I needed at work. That special flower that had to be in my arrangement but was sold...I'd have it at my bench in 5 minutes. That GIANT bundle of cherry branch that I just didn't feel like dragging across the studio...I'd find a nice willing gentleman to take it and carry it for me. Special treats...always found a way to my bench. I was very well taken care of at my job and had no problem flirting to make them feel appreciated. I'm sure some of you are rolling your eyes...oh c'mon, we've all done it! And if you haven't...try it! Now even though I flirt to get some things done, I also do my fair share of helping people as well. I'm more than happy to lend a hand when needed. So, when a woman I hadn't yet met at work approached me about where to find a certain supply I was happy to help. She introduced herself as did myself and then we went on our ways. I still remember how outgoing she was...and cute, but I was sure to push that to the way back of my head very quickly!
A week or so later while walking around Boston pretending to do important things and saw her back to me. Of course her name escaped me so I decide to yell out "hey!". She obviously didn't know I was talking to her given her back was to me and I didn't use her name. Stupid memory....way to fail. So I embarrassingly yell "hey" louder...it worked! Crap, now what? She turns around and sees me, big smile on her face, as if she was happy to see me. I mumbled a few unintelligible things and went on my way. Now at this point I had a feeling she was gay and a small feeling she kind of liked me. I kind of liked it. But you know, that's just b/c I like attention right? Sure. After that our hello's came much more frequently. Suddenly I found myself looking for her every morning around 7:30, the time she would arrive for work. I asked a friend more about her....nonchalantly of course. I found out she grew up on a farm. A farm that grows Dahlia flowers and has apple orchards. Hmmm that's pretty cool, I'd love to check that out. As I look back, I realize I used this information to help me talk to her more. When I mentioned hearing about her families home, she instantly told me I should check it out with her some time. Ok, yeah she likes me...yeah I liked it.
Soon after she stopped by my bench on her way home to chat for a bit. She turned to leave and then quickly mumbled something I couldn't understand. I asked her to repeat it and this time she looked me straight in the eye and asked if I wanted to grab a drink. I instantly answered yes. She happily left and at that moment I realized I think I just agreed to go on a date with a woman. Ok panic time. There were about a hundred thoughts going through my mind at this point. What do I do? Should I tell her I can't? I have plans? I have to wash my hair? Does she think this is a date? Is this a date? Do I tell her before or during the date I like men? Now my head hurt. At this point a few friends of mine had been teasing me about her. Lesbain comments galore, anything they could think of. After asking them what to do, we collectively came up with this. Go for the drink and at some point when I felt comfortable mention that I like men. And only if she happens to mention liking woman. Yeah this should go real smooth.
So, what do you wear on a date/no date/whatever the hell this is, with a woman? For the first time I am fashionably stumped. Flannels and some chucks...no that would definitely send the wrong message. Evening gown...no thats just screaming how awkward I'm taking all of this. Ok jeans, cute top and definitely heels. Heels are always appropriate when going on a not date date. So we meet. My mind running in every direction, positive I won't be able to settle down. Wrong. I had a great time. She did in fact happen to mention liking women and being interested in me. Ok here's my turn! "Well I actually date men, but find women attractive." wait what did I just tell her? I like men but find women attractive...oh good that should simplify this....
I head back to work to tell my friends we had a great time and we are just friends. Whew! That went well. I get a new friend and the awkwardness is over! riiiight....Suddenly I find myself inviting her over for dinner a couple times of week. You know...b/c we're friends and you cook for friends multiple times a week right?Now if that didn't send mix messages to the poor girl I don't know what would have. Her visits at work multiply and now come with delicious apples from her farm! This is great! Generally I like to think I am not a naive person. Jokes on me.
She obviously plays my game way better. She ends up taking me to a tapas restaurant a few nights later in brighton where we have great food, and I enjoy copious amounts of wine. Our conversations are easy and relaxing. I order more wine. I'm so friggin' relaxed at this point, relaxed and a complete chatter box. This tends to happen after glass 2 of wine. As I talk my way into the car, she decided she was going end the incessant chatter by grabbing my face and kissing me. Now, whether this was to just shut me up or b/c she had been waiting to kiss me is still up in the air. What I didn't expect was two things...her to kiss me and me to kiss her right back. So much I couldn't stop. Here I am on Comm Ave kissing this woman and I could care less who was watching me. I didn't care, I just wanted to kiss her more. So we did. Until she decided that the audience had grown too large so we left. Personally, I'm ok with an audience...but unlike me, she isn't much for attention. Funny. This bashful, highly practical, and very subtle woman likes me. Opposite of all the above.
You'd think after this I would give in and say ok I like this girl. No, instead I pretended like it was just a kiss and that this will never be anything more that was it already is. Oh b/c apparently I knew exactly what THIS was. So I played this game and for some reason she played it with me. Why, I have no idea. If I was her, I would have told me to take a hike. Instead she was just as sweet if not more and played along. I'm still unclear at what point I just decided that the only person I was fooling was myself. Wasn't very long, I'll admit that much. I found myself admitting to myself that I had fallen for a woman. After all that dating with men, and flirting with men, here I am, my thoughts consumed by this one person. I think I want a relationship with her...me, the girl who could care less about relationships. Me, someone who spent my twenties stating I planned on having fun throughout my twenties and that I'd commit later. Now, there's a woman in front of me who I can't stop thinking about.
Shortly after I told those important to me what was going on. I knew once they met Leah those that might be hesitant about me being with a woman would instantly take a liking to her. They did, I actually think some like her more than me and quite honestly, I don't blame them one bit. We are currently happier than ever. I have never in my life been so comfortable and thinking about my future with her brings a smile across my face. I have become a sappy, mushy, love consumed person...the kind that would have made me sick months ago. Now, I embrace it and enjoy every minute of it.
Personally I feel this a perfect ending to a blog that spoke of ridiculous dead end dates.
I do believe this confirms I'm officially out.
Thanks for enjoying my blog.
Tara
