"With A Little Help From My Friends"

So I'm sitting here thinking about dating as a whole. I read a lot of profiles on these sites which is where you're supposed to be able to get a quick synopsis of this particular person and who they are. Some barely write a thing while others write their entire story from their first kiss to their last ex running off with their dog(or cat if you're that kind of guy). Very few actually catch my attention and make me want to find out more. What I have come across in a majority of these profiles both short and over done is that they all mention they don't want to play games or be played on. Makes sense right? The whole idea of being played by the other sex sounds horrible, a waste of time, and down right childish. I'm sure as you read this you're shaking your head in agreement. Well, you're wrong. Here's why.

Say for instance you happen to be talking to 2 or 3 guys at the same time(naughty! who does that!? Oh me....). Guy A. is outgoing, funny, interested in meeting you, and appears to be a "normal" fella. Nice! Guy B. Hmmmm he seems to be very outgoing, very funny, also interested in meeting you, and appears to have a slight bad boy trait...Ummm, no comment. Guy C is a little quiet, maybe a little reserved, and well just basically has the looks and thats it. Ok, so not to get yourself in trouble and mix up men you get rid of C. Let's be honest, he may be goodlooking but if you bore me then your looks can only get you so far. Don't argue this, I would know.

Ok so here we are. Guy A and Guy B. Perfect. Now you just have to get to know them a little. Date with Guy A....fun. Date is for the most part relaxed and easy going which is always a plus. He does seem a little eager. Personally I'm not a big PDA girl so holding your hand on the first date seems middle schoolish to me. Also really awkward in a sports bar while watching football. I kind of need my hand for two things: Lifting the beer and fist pumps.

Guy B, really fun and totally easy going. I feel as though I can actually be myself, inappropriate comments and all. This could potentially lean towards a new friend when dates are this easy going except I find myself attracted to him. No hand holding and no awkward moments of silence that leave you sitting there trying to think of something witty to say. All and all....a good date.

Now after your first date there's the big question. Will there be a second date? For both, I decide yes. Guy A texts me the next morning(8:30 to be exact) with "I hope you have a nice day". That's nice. Guy B, nothing yet. Guy A texts me to have a nice rest of the day. Ok....Thanks. You too. Still nothing from Guy B. By the end of the day I've receieved two more texts from Guy A. One telling me to have a good workout(really?) and the second, "Can I call u".

Calling me is fine. I'm not a big talker but I still can hold at least a 5 minute convo. Calling me when we've spoken throughout the day puzzles me. What's left to talk about. At this point I'm starting to think I'm behaving ridiculously and I need to stop. I try.

Guy B texts me before bed and I'm elated. Awesome. Here we go...

Throughout the week I have receieved my morning, afternoon, dinner, after dinner, dessert texts, wishing me all the best. This, obviously being from Guy A. So here I have an actual decent guy, likes to talk to me, clearly wants me to have a REALLY good day and is excited enough to see me again(he's told me this everyday since the first date). What more could a girl ask for??? Oh......just a little friggin space please! Guy B has called once, we had a hysterical coversation, texted here and there funny one liners from a comedian we both like, and has mentioned that would should get together again soon. Notice "should".

Two weeks go by. My phone is blowing up from Guy A and Guy B disappeared for a few days. Disappointment sets in. At this point I've also decided that Guy A is just too much for me. He needs a girl that loves PDA, is looking to settle down yesterday, and likes to snuggle. No Thanks. Oh did I mention he cooks dinner and also bought me an over the top gift on the first date. Want to slap me across the face for being absolutely ridiculous? Get in line.

What do I want?? Well cleary I want the guy that makes me wonder where he is. I want the guy that is going to be around for dessert after Guy A makes me dinner. I want the guy takes his time calling me to make plans for a second date. I want the guy that is clearly playing hard to get. The guy that's playing games.

WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???

So here's my question. I want answers people. From both sexes. Do I play the game and be coy and slightly unattainable or can women handle the chase better than men? Do I not play at all(that's boring)? Do I answer his texts or phone calls, or do I make him wait a little? Tell me. Answer me. Give me your best advice. I'm all freaking ears.

"Move Along"

Ok so I took a break from the online dating scene for a bit. Not b/c I found my "soul mate", "prince charming", "the one". No, nothing like that. I took a break b/c if you have read this blog, you'd take a break too! But, I got my needed rest and I'm up and running again. I'm going to entertain you all with some emails I get each day. These are some examples of the ones that will never get a response.

Let me make this clear. I make a profile for a reason. If you message me, I expect that you read my profile. Not skim it and pick out important words....b/c that could just make you sound like fool. For instance, I make it very clear that I hate musicals. I go as far as to say "Musicals are the worst kind of torture". Wow If I was a guy, I'd definitely stay clear of that topic right? So, when sending me your opening email, first impressions are obviously important. "So what's your favorite musical? I'd have to say that the King and I is mine" My first thought....hahahaha we have a jokester on our hands! Second thought...OMG he's serious. Here are 2 big reasons why this poor guy won't get a response. 1. You obviously did NOT read my profile. 2. When I was 15 I went to see the Kind and I. On the way home a car full of cross dressers wearing one piece body suits and stilettos crashed into our car. No. Lie. I hate the King and I the most. Nexxxxxt.

Another way to completely send me running in the other direction would be to have your dog "write" your email to me. Yes, that's right. I received an email that was from his dog. Rudy. That's the dogs name. I have no clue what the owners name is and I don't care to find out. When the email ends with woof-woof, I click delete.

"Look no further, I am your Mr. Right!" Shush! No you most certainly are not! I decide that. You are 47, divorced with three children and used up your entire email to tell me a joke that lost me halfway through. You are so very much NOT my Mr. Right! Move. Along.

Manners are also important when sending me an email. Using the sentence " You seem like you somewhat have it together" is wrong on so many levels. It's rude and I have no idea what you just based that on. Somewhat? I somewhat, have it together? I just explained my obsession with coconut and mascara and my hatred towards musicals and you figure I "somewhat" have it together? Beat it nerd!

This last one I will share with you takes the cake. His internet name SoreBum. Subject title of email: Milk and Poetry.

"Stopping by the woods on a snowy evening...

I saw your face and couldn't resist sayin HI. I wish I could say I am looking b/c I'd be looking directly at you. I am in a very happy and healthy relationship. As a matter of fact my woman and I have been together for over twenty years.

I want you to know there is light. I was almost 40 years old and she 37 yrs. when we met. Keep lookin'! There exist some wonderful guys out there and from what I hear on the inside, they are looking for you.

You're cute and it looks like you've got it together. GOOD LUCK!"

Ok what I want to know...Why is your bum so sore???