"Move Along"

Ok so I took a break from the online dating scene for a bit. Not b/c I found my "soul mate", "prince charming", "the one". No, nothing like that. I took a break b/c if you have read this blog, you'd take a break too! But, I got my needed rest and I'm up and running again. I'm going to entertain you all with some emails I get each day. These are some examples of the ones that will never get a response.

Let me make this clear. I make a profile for a reason. If you message me, I expect that you read my profile. Not skim it and pick out important words....b/c that could just make you sound like fool. For instance, I make it very clear that I hate musicals. I go as far as to say "Musicals are the worst kind of torture". Wow If I was a guy, I'd definitely stay clear of that topic right? So, when sending me your opening email, first impressions are obviously important. "So what's your favorite musical? I'd have to say that the King and I is mine" My first thought....hahahaha we have a jokester on our hands! Second thought...OMG he's serious. Here are 2 big reasons why this poor guy won't get a response. 1. You obviously did NOT read my profile. 2. When I was 15 I went to see the Kind and I. On the way home a car full of cross dressers wearing one piece body suits and stilettos crashed into our car. No. Lie. I hate the King and I the most. Nexxxxxt.

Another way to completely send me running in the other direction would be to have your dog "write" your email to me. Yes, that's right. I received an email that was from his dog. Rudy. That's the dogs name. I have no clue what the owners name is and I don't care to find out. When the email ends with woof-woof, I click delete.

"Look no further, I am your Mr. Right!" Shush! No you most certainly are not! I decide that. You are 47, divorced with three children and used up your entire email to tell me a joke that lost me halfway through. You are so very much NOT my Mr. Right! Move. Along.

Manners are also important when sending me an email. Using the sentence " You seem like you somewhat have it together" is wrong on so many levels. It's rude and I have no idea what you just based that on. Somewhat? I somewhat, have it together? I just explained my obsession with coconut and mascara and my hatred towards musicals and you figure I "somewhat" have it together? Beat it nerd!

This last one I will share with you takes the cake. His internet name SoreBum. Subject title of email: Milk and Poetry.

"Stopping by the woods on a snowy evening...

I saw your face and couldn't resist sayin HI. I wish I could say I am looking b/c I'd be looking directly at you. I am in a very happy and healthy relationship. As a matter of fact my woman and I have been together for over twenty years.

I want you to know there is light. I was almost 40 years old and she 37 yrs. when we met. Keep lookin'! There exist some wonderful guys out there and from what I hear on the inside, they are looking for you.

You're cute and it looks like you've got it together. GOOD LUCK!"

Ok what I want to know...Why is your bum so sore???