So I'm sitting here thinking about dating as a whole. I read a lot of profiles on these sites which is where you're supposed to be able to get a quick synopsis of this particular person and who they are. Some barely write a thing while others write their entire story from their first kiss to their last ex running off with their dog(or cat if you're that kind of guy). Very few actually catch my attention and make me want to find out more. What I have come across in a majority of these profiles both short and over done is that they all mention they don't want to play games or be played on. Makes sense right? The whole idea of being played by the other sex sounds horrible, a waste of time, and down right childish. I'm sure as you read this you're shaking your head in agreement. Well, you're wrong. Here's why.
Say for instance you happen to be talking to 2 or 3 guys at the same time(naughty! who does that!? Oh me....). Guy A. is outgoing, funny, interested in meeting you, and appears to be a "normal" fella. Nice! Guy B. Hmmmm he seems to be very outgoing, very funny, also interested in meeting you, and appears to have a slight bad boy trait...Ummm, no comment. Guy C is a little quiet, maybe a little reserved, and well just basically has the looks and thats it. Ok, so not to get yourself in trouble and mix up men you get rid of C. Let's be honest, he may be goodlooking but if you bore me then your looks can only get you so far. Don't argue this, I would know.
Ok so here we are. Guy A and Guy B. Perfect. Now you just have to get to know them a little. Date with Guy A....fun. Date is for the most part relaxed and easy going which is always a plus. He does seem a little eager. Personally I'm not a big PDA girl so holding your hand on the first date seems middle schoolish to me. Also really awkward in a sports bar while watching football. I kind of need my hand for two things: Lifting the beer and fist pumps.
Guy B, really fun and totally easy going. I feel as though I can actually be myself, inappropriate comments and all. This could potentially lean towards a new friend when dates are this easy going except I find myself attracted to him. No hand holding and no awkward moments of silence that leave you sitting there trying to think of something witty to say. All and all....a good date.
Now after your first date there's the big question. Will there be a second date? For both, I decide yes. Guy A texts me the next morning(8:30 to be exact) with "I hope you have a nice day". That's nice. Guy B, nothing yet. Guy A texts me to have a nice rest of the day. Ok....Thanks. You too. Still nothing from Guy B. By the end of the day I've receieved two more texts from Guy A. One telling me to have a good workout(really?) and the second, "Can I call u".
Calling me is fine. I'm not a big talker but I still can hold at least a 5 minute convo. Calling me when we've spoken throughout the day puzzles me. What's left to talk about. At this point I'm starting to think I'm behaving ridiculously and I need to stop. I try.
Guy B texts me before bed and I'm elated. Awesome. Here we go...
Throughout the week I have receieved my morning, afternoon, dinner, after dinner, dessert texts, wishing me all the best. This, obviously being from Guy A. So here I have an actual decent guy, likes to talk to me, clearly wants me to have a REALLY good day and is excited enough to see me again(he's told me this everyday since the first date). What more could a girl ask for??? Oh......just a little friggin space please! Guy B has called once, we had a hysterical coversation, texted here and there funny one liners from a comedian we both like, and has mentioned that would should get together again soon. Notice "should".
Two weeks go by. My phone is blowing up from Guy A and Guy B disappeared for a few days. Disappointment sets in. At this point I've also decided that Guy A is just too much for me. He needs a girl that loves PDA, is looking to settle down yesterday, and likes to snuggle. No Thanks. Oh did I mention he cooks dinner and also bought me an over the top gift on the first date. Want to slap me across the face for being absolutely ridiculous? Get in line.
What do I want?? Well cleary I want the guy that makes me wonder where he is. I want the guy that is going to be around for dessert after Guy A makes me dinner. I want the guy takes his time calling me to make plans for a second date. I want the guy that is clearly playing hard to get. The guy that's playing games.
WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???
So here's my question. I want answers people. From both sexes. Do I play the game and be coy and slightly unattainable or can women handle the chase better than men? Do I not play at all(that's boring)? Do I answer his texts or phone calls, or do I make him wait a little? Tell me. Answer me. Give me your best advice. I'm all freaking ears.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Dearest T,
ReplyDeleteTo me, it seems that you know know exactly what it is you want- and there is NOTHING wrong with you by the way. I think what you are saying is what most women are pretending they don't suffer from. It's called- 'having your cake and eating it too'.... while you enjoy the attention of Guy A- who I think may have already gotten out of his lease and is moving in with you Jan 1st... You LOVE the not-knowing with Guy B... you love the fact that at any random minute you could get a surprise text from Guy B... could be the gayest text EVER, but still... its unexpected. It makes you smile, it makes you giddy. The game makes you giddy. Sorry sistah, but thats how it works....
My opinion- btw WHY would you EVER want MYYYYY advice??!?!?! hahaha- is that you can do this for now... while keeping in mind that you don't want to hurt Guy A's feelings... but you need to 'play the game' with Guy B for a while to see if 'winning' at his game is what you even want.....? Make sense? Prob not.. but hey, what else is new????
Love ya!
xo.
Are you responding every time guy A texts you? If you are he thinks it's fine to text you like that all the time. He might not be as overbearing as you think. If you don't respond every time he'll get the hint and slow down.
ReplyDeleteIf you are responding every time he thinks you like him as much as he likes you, which WILL be very bad(for him). This one I can atest to personally.
B is gonna break your heart.
Kristin....Unfortunately I do like the game no matter how hard I try.
ReplyDeleteDana, honestly I don't respond to them all. I respond to one that are worth responding to. If responded to everything he texted I wouldn't have time to do anything else in my life.
And....yeah i know about B. I date them all the time. But, just like krisitin said....it excites me when I do hear from him.
is it the game itsself that excites u or the poss knowing hes not hanging on ur every word and movment? that he has a life that exsisted before u and since u and being he doesnt hound u it allows u to continue havign the life u lead both pre and post guy b. personally i would think that seems to be the appeal for u in general
ReplyDeleteu enjoy ur freedom
guy a does sound a bit smothering
Well to be quite honest...your point is actually dead on. Knowing that you have a life,friends, and things to do besides texting or calling me throughout the entire day makes me feel as though you are independent and very opposite of needy.
ReplyDeleteTwo people who can love themselves independently are far better than people who come together out of desperation and loniless.
Guy A is more than a bit smothering. :)
Nothing's wrong with you. I played the game for like 6 months to get the guy I have now. No matter how much I wanted to answer his text right away, I would wait a couple hours. If he said something that annoyed me, I wouldn't answer for a whole day.
ReplyDeleteAnytime I get a text too soon when I was dating, it's over, I for one, hate guys who are too easy. Head over heels in one day?! I don't think so. And I am not dependent on other people, so when others are too touchy or needy, I feel a little nauseous.
Without the excitement of knowing if anything could happen, or if you could get a text or facebook message from that guy that you actually do like, it would be boring. And Tara, you are hot to trot, no need to waste your time with guys who are not interesting or not your type.
Keep doin your thang! It'll totally go in your favor.
From the other side... I'm Guy B. Well, not actually Guy B, but I fit the mold. I've got a job and a set of friends that keep me busy - so busy that I rarely answer my phone, and may not even respond to a text or VM for two days... even when it's from my good friends. "Should" means that I want to go out, but am looking to see if you'll make a move and suggest a place and time. If you don't, I'll probably either forget (I did once lose a pair of pants for three weeks... in my closet) or maybe even think you're not interested. I'm not a flake when it matters, and I'm not playing a game, it's the way I am... But if you break through that, you find something that you wouldn't have expected from the lack of contact.
ReplyDeleteSo... If you're really interested in B, try taking the initiative and you might be surprised by what you find. Let A go, he's more high maintenance than you can deal with.
(And yes, I'm talking pre-kid. I'm not suggesting that I actually still date... or think about much more than beer and sleep).